How We Survived Our First Year as Parents

This post is kindly sponsored by Ultima Replenisher: my absolute favorite electrolyte drink mix that I drink every single day. But, all of the info and opinions here are my own! I hope this is helpful to someone in the thick of it.

I was really scared to be a mom before I became one.

I think my brain was full of all of the hard moments I’d accumulated over the years taking care of other people’s kids + the ever present parent warnings of “oh, just wait”.

I was scared to be a mom until I got a positive pregnancy test + then…everything changed for me. Maybe there really is a biological switch that flips, I don’t know, but what I DO know is that when I knew there was a baby, lots of the fear went away. I’m sure it doesn’t happen for everyone that way, but it did for me.

Our pregnancy + birth experience wasn’t really an easy or traditional one, BUT we did end up at home with a healthy, six-week-old baby girl of our very own + that’s when the real fun started.

Bringing Baby Home

So here’s the thing: those parent’s warnings about things being hard? They aren’t wrong. Being a parent IS hard…but like, why wouldn’t it be? Because, for most of us, raising a kid isn’t something we’ve ever done before until we’re in it. And if we have, every baby is so unique + different that there’s STILL something to learn even if you have 5 other kids at home, I bet.

It’s hard. BUT the thing that I didn’t think about before I was a mom, the thing that often gets left out of the “just wait” or the “you’ll be so tired” conversations is the absolutely, indescribable amount of joy that your little baby (and eventually bigger kid) will bring to your life. And I’m talking JOY like you never imagined as part of your regular, everyday life. It’s the best.

So yes, there’s hard, which we’ll get to in a second. But please, please, please hear me when I say that (in my experience) it’s the type of hard that often comes with something good + worthwhile. MOST good things in life don’t come easily + raising babies is no different. But friend, let me be the one to tell you that it’s also good. SO good. I wouldn’t change it if I could.

The Hard of the First Year

I think for a lot of people the transition from 0-1 kids is really tough. Your entire life flips upside down. Your time is now dedicated to making sure this other, tiny, totally dependent human stays alive. And it’s a lot + something you can’t really understand until you’re in it. (We sure didn’t, anyway.)

Every baby is super different, but for us, our first year has been largely dominated by this newborn/baby stage while also processing the trauma of how she arrived + what happened. Feeding was also WAY more challenging than I’d planned for + sleep has been the biggest adjustment. We’re finally seeing more consistent nights with only a few disruptions + she’s nearly one. (You can see more about our sleep stuff here.)

But I think the real hard of your first year as parents is redesigning what your life is going to look like + who you are as this new parent/wife/friend/sisters/etc. who has just gone through this hugely transformative experience. It’s figuring out how to balance the things that you love + what your babe needs, while also letting go of things that don’t matter as much anymore. There’s a pruning process involved. You become someone new + that’s beautiful + wonderful + probably one of the most precious parts of this season. Growth is another one of those “good, but hard” parts of parenting.

Before I dive into 5 things I feel like helped us survive all that comes in this first year, I want to caveat the hard with these moments too: the first time your baby smiles at you, laughs at you, hugs you, rolls over, crawls, talks to you, picks up their toy on their own. These moments may sound small, but MAN. Better than any big, dramatic moment life has to offer. I mean that.

How We Survived

No matter if you’re in the thick of it now, planning for your own kiddo in the future or just curious, I wanted to share a few things I feel like we’ve honed over the first year of being parents that have helped us survive. These are the 5 things that I wish I could go back + tell that sweet, exhausted Jessica on her way home from the hospital with a tiny baby + what I will write in every baby shower card from now on, ha! Still trying my hardest to practice these things even at a year in:

Lower your expectations, friend.
I know you want to jump back into life as normal with a clean house, healthy meals, seeing all of the friends, going for walks, etc. But listen, your entire life and body just went through the most incredible transformation + it’s not meant to be like it was before. Slow down. Lower those expectations of yourself, your spouse/partner, your baby. Heck, lower them for everyone! Because you are brand new at this. It’s going to take time – we’re still figuring it out. That doesn’t mean you’re bad at it, it means you’re learning.

Let the house stay a little messy, eat the takeout for a few days, lay in bed with that sweet babe longer than you think you should. SOAK IT UP + let it be okay to not be pretty or perfect. The magic of these early days is in the mess. I’m still reminding myself of this a year in + it’s still just as true! (A side note, it’s also okay to choose to clean your kitchen over quiet time on the couch IF it will make a huge difference to your mental health. I feel like there were days I just HAD to clean + that was worth the energy to me. But, I just want to acknowledge that the expectation should never be for a clean house + you’re falling short if you’re not there, you know?)

I know it feels uncomfortable, but ACCEPT THE HELP.
Someone from church offers to bring you a meal? Take it. Your mother-in-law offers to clean your bathroom? OKAY! (Mine still does this for us sometimes – she cleaned our bathroom just last month when we were going through a rough patch with sleep.) A friend is going to sit with the baby, so you can shower? Yes, please.

Friend, I know we live in a culture that praises independence and efficiency, but you are not meant to carry the burden of all of the things by yourself. Let the people who love you help you + remove any guilt that you feel about it. They say it takes a village for a reason….and it does.

Rest when you can…even if that doesn’t mean sleeping.
Everyone knows the familiar (and kind of awful) advice to “sleep when the baby sleeps”. But the problem with that is that most newborns only want to sleep ON their parents, ha! So, for me, this just wasn’t an option + it felt really hard that people said it to me all of the time. (Especially because you can’t fold laundry when the baby folds laundry or cook dinner when the baby cooks dinner, ha!)

But what I DID find helpful was allowing myself to rest some of the time, even if that wasn’t sleeping. When she was a tiny baby that looked different than it does now, but the idea is the same. Poppy naps twice a day at 11-months-old + it’s tempting to use those times to power through cleaning or work + sometimes I do that. But in seasons where we’re more run down or sleep deprived, I still choose to rest while she sleeps. A cup of tea + some Gilmore Girls or a call to a friend really ups my energy for when she wakes back up so I can be the best mom to her!

Find a mantra for when things are rough. We’re nearly an entire year into figuring out all things “baby” which in our house means all things “Poppy” + it’s still ever changing. Sleep has been hard for us from the beginning, but for some people it’s colic or clinginess or lack of personal time or space. Something I’ve found incredibly helpful for navigating the particularly hard moments of struggle is to have a mantra that I can recite to myself to recenter in the midst of emotional overwhelm.

For a long time it was, “She’s just little. She doesn’t know.” Or I also latched onto “Someday this will be over + you’ll miss it.” Or “She’s just a baby who needs her mom.” I’m not suggesting that a one line phrase is going to fix these really hard moments of parenting a baby, but for me, they really did help my brain just take a deep breath.

Take care of yourself + fuel your body…but make it as easy as possible!
In those early weeks (and honestly, the entire first year for us), I was sleep deprived, losing all sorts of water and electrolytes through constantly breastfeeding + really had no energy to care about what I was eating. Once we made it home from the hospital, our triple feeding journey continued + postpartum hair loss started. And even now, when we have a mobile babe who wants constant attention, having a grab-and-go supporter of all of the things in Ultima has been SO wonderful. (It doesn’t hurt that it tastes great too!)

Ultima is an electrolyte drink mix that I discovered while struggling with my endometriosis. It helped me so much during my pregnancy + on my breastfeeding journey. I have honestly had one Ultima a day for…nearly 3 years? It is a constant part of my daily routine. It was with me during my first trimester nausea, during my postpartum hospital stay + NICU journey, on my breastfeeding cart + still is in my glass each day as we navigate the new challenges that come.

I am SO excited that this year Ultima launched a brand new item that has made its way into our cupboard + is around to stay: electrolytes + collagen! Each serving contains a broad spectrum of electrolytes, trace minerals, vitamin C and zinc to hydrate the skin (and offer immune support!), plus 9.5 grams of Type I & III collagen to help strengthen hair, skin, and nails…and it contains 9 grams of protein, so it nourishes a little extra when you don’t have the energy or time to grab a snack. The Strawberry Kiwi and Mango Pineapple flavors make it really easy to remember to drink too. I love that it’s my electrolytes + collagen in ONE – no extra adding of powder or pills. It’s my hydration easy button. Ultima continues to feel like a real treat + a way to care for myself in the midst of, what can be, a really hard season!

Friend, you’ve got this! Hang in there! The first year is hard, but it’s also good. Just you wait…for all of the joy that you have in store!

And if you want to check out Ultima for yourself, you can do so here!